Know Your Stars
by Shinnscape
Summary: If you've ever seen Nickelodeon's All That, you already know. If not: See your favorite Xiaolin Showdown characters driven into PURE MADNESS by THE VOICE! T, in case; some obvious OOC behavior. Chapter 1 RE-EDITED, now with added content. On hiatus.


**Know Your Stars-Xiaolin Showdown Style**

**The title should be pretty obvious if you've ever seen Nickelodeon's "All That". If not: See your favorite Xiaolin Showdown Characters driven into PURE MADNESS by THE VOICE! **

**Warnings****: Cursing; sexual implications; insanity; some possible OOC behaviour. **

**Chapter 1:** Jack Spicer-Evil Boy Ducky?

Jack Spicer, self-proclaimed _"Evil-Boy-Genius", _grinned as he walked (with a little skip in his step) to his room in the basement of the Spicer Manor. Today had been a good—no—a _great_ day.

His _master stealth _plan to sneak into the Xiaolin Temple's Shen-Gong Wu vault had worked, to Jack's surprise, perfectly. He'd gotten the Ju-Ju Flytrap, Mantis Flip Coin, Silk Spinner, Jet Bootsu and, his favorite, the Monkey Staff…all before those Xiaolin _losers_ even knew they had an intruder on the premises. And when they'd tried to fight him for the stolen Wu, his Jack-Bots had managed to hold them off just long enough for him to taunt (very EVILLY) before flying away, his "Evil laugh" echoing after.

Best of all, Omi's water technique backfired with the help of the Reverseable Mirror, which had already been in Jack's possession, prior to the mission.

Jack chuckled to himself as he all-but-vaguely remembered the dumbfounded expression Omi wore before being smacked aside harshly by his own attack.

Making his way across the dank, filthy floor and sitting down in his favorite chair, Jack went into an all out laughing-fest as he remembered that Kimiko, Clay, AND Raimundo had also been caught in the reversed attack.

But Jack was suddenly taken out of his laughing fit and victory thoughts as the room dimmed in less than a second. Too frightened to stand up, Jack resorted to hugging his knees to his chest, seeing as they were free of the Shen-Gong Wu he had dropped as soon as the lights had turned off.

_"Know your stars,"_ a voice said, seemingly out of nowhere.

In retaliation, Jack screamed. Like a little girl. LOUD.

_"Know your stars…know your stars…know your stars…"_

"W-who are you-?" Jack tried to sound threatening—while whimpering.

_"Know your stars,"_ the annoying voice repeated once more, before starting anew. "Jack Spicer...is a self-proclaimed, Evil-Boy-_Ducky_."

Jack was taken out of his fear-ridden-mind at the incorrect accusation. "I'm not a duck," he muttered, as though trying to reassure his befuddle brain of the fact.

"Jack Spicer...doesn't like little duckies," the voice replied, somehow coming off as reproachful and _factual_, simultaneously.

"What? I never said I didn't like ducks…it's just, I'm not a duck!"

The voice merrily continued, "Jack Spicer...likes to play dress-up in his mommy's dresses."

Jack spluttered. Was this voice trying to mess with him? "THAT'S a _LIE_!"

The voice snickered. "No, it isn't...Jack Spicer...is a bad liar."

"I'm NOT lying—**Y****OU** are!"

"Know your stars," the voice taunted again, as Jack grit his teeth to keep from whining, "Jack Spicer...has _wet dreams_ about Raimundo Pedrosa."

This voice was DEFINITELY messing with him.

Jack about-near _gagged_. "EW—j-just—_EW_. Really, _**EWW**_."

"Jack Spicer…wants Raimundo to scoop him up in his arms," the voice continued, even as Jack clenched his fists and yelled in denial ("NO WAY IN HELL!"), "and give him a _big_, FAT kiss."

Jack had heard enough. "Oh, COME ON," he yelled (definitely not _screeched_, nope), "I hate Pedrosa and those other Xiaolin LOSERS!"

"…OK, then…Jack Spicer...really wants **Chase Young **to '_stick it in him'_."

Jack fell out of his chair on that one, out of pure shock, and found himself unable to immediately reply. Composing himself as quickly as he could, Jack stood up in a huff. "YOU are disgusting you-_you_-you—STUPID, _ugly_ voice!"

The voice snorted. "Jack Spicer...is a whiny-little-girl."

"I'M NOT WHINY—AND I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL! I'M NOT EVEN A GIRL! I'M A _BOY GENIUS_!"

But the voice was relentless. "Jack Spicer...likes to sing the Barney Song when he THINKS no one is around."

Jack seethed, practically _hissing_, "I _hate_ that _fucking dinosaur_."

The voice continued, undaunted, "Jack Spicer...is, _apparently,_ into **bestiality**."

Jack could only turn green in the face, barely managing to stutter a horrified, "W-WHAT?"

…was that a SNICKER he heard? Oh, HELL NO.

"Alright, enough is ENOUGH." Jack got up and turned to leave, yelling dismissively (and huffily) over his shoulder, "YOU are SO annoying!"

"…..You are SO annoying," the voice mocked.

Jack stopped. "What did you just say-?"

"What did you just say?"

Jack sneered. "STOP that!"

"STOP that," the voice repeated, in a snobbier version of Jack's voice.

"I'm being SERIOUS-"

"I'm being SERIOUS."

"CUT THE CRAP-CAKE!"

"Jack Spicer likes crap cake."

"ARGHHHH!" Jack's hands itched to grab something and just shake it, ruthlessly…or maybe strangle something. THAT DAMN VOICE, if he could only find the throat from which it came—!

"And pink. Jack Spicer likes pink."

Oh, that was hitting below the belt, for Jack (like he hadn't been, before?) "NO, I like black. And red. SEE what I'm wearing? BLACK AND RED!"

"Jack Spicer likes pink—and vehemently denies it."

"GRRRRR!" Jack's teeth grinded together so fiercely, he subconsciously wondered if they would crack, right there.

"I HATE you," Jack screamed, shrilly.

"I don't care," the voice answered back, with a hint of a laugh.

"YOU SUCK!"

"Jack Spicer wants to do _that_ with Chase Young—"

"—SHUT UP about Chase Young!"

"No," the voice said, a grin apparent in his voice.

"WHY?"

"Because...it's **fun**."

"Well, you know what, PAL? You need to GET OUT—AND _GET LAID_!"

...Silence.

Jack smirked.

"...Jack Spicer," said boy frowned, "...dreams of _getting laid _by Raimundo."

"NOT THAT _AGAIN_—!"

"And now you know Jack Spicer—"

"NO, they _don't_, you've been telling **LIES**—"

"—because it's, _'Know Your Stars'_."

Jack screamed and ran out of the dark room, only to smack into—who else—the Dragon of the Wind.

"Hey, Spicer," Raimundo started, puffing his chest out in what was probably meant to be a dominant pose of MANLINESS for someone his age. "I'm here to—!"

But Jack was already making to scramble around the Dragon of Wind, looking like a chicken with his head cut off. "GO ahead—take the Shen-Gong Wu—it's YOURS!"

Jack's pale hands—which, somehow, seemed paler than usual—grasped Raimundo's hoody, pulling the now shocked boy a little TOO close.. In a surprising show of desparate strength, Jack shoved Raimundo towards the basement's once secret entry, yelling, "J-just _GET ME OUT OF HERE_! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Raimundo could only watch, dumbfounded to the core and slightly aching back against the door, as Jack ran wildly through some bushes and out of sight.

Shrugging, Raimundo went inside the dim lab to collect the stolen Wu.

"That guy's nuts," he concluded to himself aloud.

"..._Know your stars_..."

**END...For Now...**


End file.
